Day 53

I'm starting to think about it too much.  Time is moving slowly instead of quickly.  I'll be 8 weeks on Wednesday but I'm still scared to call the doctor.  If I go to the doctor he'll take a picture and then it will be that much harder if I lose it again, knowing that it is real.  Or I could go and find out it's not real and I've been feeling sick for nothing.  It's making me so anxious.  I need to relax.  I need to let what will be just be.  I'm doing everything I can to make the baby comfortable and healthy.  It is all in the Lord's hands.  Going to the doctor at this point won't make a difference.  They can't give me a miracle drug that will make it certain to develop into a healthy baby.  I'm thinking I'll call after we go camping next week.  That will make me around 10 - 11 weeks when I go in.  Closer to the time I can relax.  Not that the last one wasn't after that time...  In fact I remember the doctor telling me I can relax, it's past the time of the miscarriage worry.  I hope I can make it the next 7 months.  Some days I am fine and I can let myself be so excited.  Then days like today I am so worried that I'm probably making things worse...  Please let me be able to enjoy this.  NO matter what happens.