Day 68

OK.  I made it through my camping trip.  I am still feeling sick and miserable.  It is AWESOME!  My appointment is next week and I am starting to have nightmares about it.  I dreamed that the doctor wanted to take the baby out and experiment on it.  I dreamed that my doctor wasn't available so some kid intern was there to talk to me.  I'm delicate.  I need consistency.  I asked my mom to go with me to the doctor.  I didn't tell her I was pregnant, just that I needed someone to take me to the doctor.  I'm sure she guessed it but we didn't talk about it.  I feel like if I don't say it out loud (to someone other than hubby) I can't jinx it.  All too soon I will be donning pregnancy clothes though.  That might tip some people off.  Others, including my dad, will just think I'm getting fat...  I guess I should be okay with that since the fewer people who know the less trauma there is.  Just a month or so ago a guy at work asked me to remind him when I was due again.  Okay maybe it was more than a month or so, a few months...  His question brought on the water works and I felt bad for making him feel bad, it's just I though every body knew... 

I started to get nervous on my camping trip because I started to have some pains in my abdomen.  It might have been from hiking or gas from all the rich food we ate up there...  I don't know.  I hope it's not something else.  I would really like to hold this one in my arms and watch it grow and pass away before he or she does.  I am selfish I suppose.  I know there are bigger hurts out there.  I am super lucky to have the two great kids that I do have.  9 weeks has gone by fast, I hope I can stay calm for the next 9 weeks.  We'll see how things go.

Peace Out.