Day 97

I am approaching the end of Week 14.  This is where I get really nervous.  I stopped feeling sick all the time last week.  It was kind of abrupt.  Sometimes I think I feel the baby move, but I remember thinking the same thing in February. I am now having major anxiety attacks.  I went to the hospital that my sis in law works at last night to have a listen on the doppler. She found a heart beat, but it was hard to determine if it was mine or the baby's.  Then she found the baby on the ultrasound.  It's still too small to really see, but she thinks she found the heartbeat.  I couldn't tell.  The baby didn't seem to move much.  I keep telling myself it was the same way when I went to the doctor the first time.  He had to poke at it to make it move.  I'm having the hardest time sleeping.  I really don't want to go through a missed miscarriage again.  I don't want to tell my kids I lost another baby.  I'm showing so we decided to tell them and now I am so scared.  I wish there was something I could do to feel better.  I know the Lord loves me, but I feel so lost right now.  I can't seem to find comfort in anything I do.  My poor hubby doesn't know what to do to help me feel better.  I don't know what he could do.  I keep dreaming that the baby is gone.  Which isn't a good sign.  But I don't know if it is my paranoia or premonitions.  I just keep praying "please let me keep this one".  "Please."

Day 88

I keep having anxiety attacks.  I'm in that stretch where the baby died in February.  Good news is I am still super sick so the hormone must still be there.  I also think i feel the baby move sometimes.  But it's hard to tell.  Work is getting more stressful and I am trying really hard to not let it affect me and the baby.  I really wish we could afford for me to quit.  School is starting in two weeks and we haven't found a baby sitter.  With all the pay cuts at work, I'm not sure how we can afford one... I really hope all my stress doesn't hurt the baby.  I really wish I could relax and enjoy this pregnancy but there are too many things to worry about.